Also

"That's my secret, Cap. I'm always 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂."

“Are you okay?”

”Absolutely not. Never. Not once in human history have I ever been okay. Thanks for asking though :3”

Text exchange between me and my friend who needs therapy real bad

“Why is there a random SpongeBob house right there?”

“The S, the swoop-de-woop, his eyebrow, the swoop-de-woop.”

“Raw Pop-Tarts are good! Plucked straight from the Pop-Tart tree.”

“I’m the kind of person who would dissect someone’s brain if they said they didn’t like musicals to figure out what was wrong with them.” - me

^ME CORE

(yall got some good qoutes ^^)

"Yo, can I have one of your crackers?" (Me)

"Cannibalism's my thing, not yours." (Friend)

^HELP I GOT THE JOKE-

"you ever have such a huge s*** that it feels like you just gave birth" -something i overheard boys in class say

^the fact that I can say yes to this is slightly terrifying 😨

Incorrect quotes are funny

Just out of context stuff is funny

That wasn’t a quote, btw