Uh so hey guys :)
I went missing for a bit, sorry about that. My mom banned Eli and I from Fandom after we had an argument about what went down a bit ago
During that time, I realized a few things. One of those things being that I am really guilty for all of this and I need to own up
I just want to apologize. For real. No rushed, panicked responses and excuses, I swear. No lies, no nothing. This is really hard for me to say, but it has to be said.
When I was coming up with pranks with Eli for April Fools, I couldn’t think of any good ones. And then it came to me.
“What if we pretended to die?”
Eli wasn’t up for it, but I was in a weird mood. We talked about it for a bit, I joked about different forms of how it could go, and since she didn’t seem to want to do it, I assumed she wasn’t going to go with it. After I was about to leave for camp, I left two cryptic messages and didn’t think much of it after my mom took the devices so I didn’t sneak them. I didn’t honestly think anyone would notice, so I kinda shook it off immediately. I wrote Eli a note (she got sick and wasn’t supposed to join me) telling her not to act all depressed without me.
Eli went with it, and I want to just say to you Eli, I’m sorry I got you into this. It wasn’t your fault (I’m pretty sure people already know this) and I don’t know what came over me when I thought of it. I was never going to directly fake my death, I just kind of wanted to see what happened. Though I seriously don’t know what I expected, this was super wrong in multiple ways.
After I got to the camp, I started feeling awful about it and my anxiety went berserk. When I got my phone back, I panicked because i didn’t expect any of this bull crap I caused. I didn’t realize that this would affect anyone in the ways it did (or at all) and I thought I could lie my way out in the panic.
All of the stuff I did was awful and none of you deserved it. I didn’t think what would happen, or what my actions would do. I didn’t mean for any of this, and I know I broke tons of people’s trust. I’m probably doing it again now to those who believed the bits I lied about. I bet a ton of people won’t believe me, and saying I’m not lying won’t really change anything because I said that last time.
Trying to pin the blame on Eli after everything started going badly also was a crappy thing to do. The only person to blame here was me, and I am ready to face the music.
I’m sorry to the emotional distress I caused some of you, for the anxiety and issues. I’m sorry for everything I did to you guys.
Trying to forget didn’t help much. I drowned myself in hours of TV, YouTube, webcomics, etc. I feel so bad about this all. I know I like to joke about being a demon and an asshole, but I swear, whatever possessed me to cause what I did was really evil.
I don’t know if my friends will hate me any less, or if anyone will believe this. I just need to get it off my chest.
Another thing I discovered on my time off that when I wasn’t thinking about the wiki, I was somehow…more alive. I got tons of work on my characters done, bonded with friends, went outside more and experienced a ton. I also learned a bit about myself. It felt the most free I have in ages.
That’s why, when the show finishes, I am leaving Fandom overall. For good. I may come back one day, but as of now, it’s permanent.
I want to thank you guys. Y’all got me through a ton of tough times, and I met some really awesome users.
Beanie, Duch, Olm, Cart, Wolf, Ex0, Val, Kelsp, Ran, Jewel and so many others gave me tons of reasons to smile every day. But I think I need to finally let go, because I think I need to actually live, instead of being worried over Fandom all the time.
I may hang around a few days more, but once the show is done, I’m leaving.
Thank you guys.
(Please don’t release drama on this post)