A Lying Witch and a Warden/Transcript

— This is a transcribed copy of A Lying Witch and a Warden. —

Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

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Next: "Witches Before Wizards"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open on a witch with green hair and a staff backflipping onto a cliff. She glares up at a large purple snake.]
Gildersnake	Foolish child! I could swallow you whole! [Hisses.]
Azura	Do not underestimate me, Gildersnake, for I am the Good Witch Azura, warrior of peace! [Poses as wind blows her hair before kneeling down and holding her staff like a bazooka.] Now eat this, sucka! [Fires off staff.]
Gildersnake	[While being shot.] No! My only weakness: dying! [Collapses.]
[Cuts to a doll of Azura and a green snake being held.]
Luz	And that's the end.
Camila	The end of what?
Luz	My book report. [The snake hisses and bites the doll.] I think I knocked it out of the park.
Principal Hal	Your book report is why you're in here.
[He gestures to the door, through which two students can be seen outside running by screaming, snakes biting their heads.]
Luz	Oh. That's where the backup snakes were.
Camila	And what were you going to do with this? [Holds up several firecrackers tied together.]
Luz	That was for the Act Three closer.
Camila	Mija, I love your creativity, but it's gotten out of hand. Do you remember why you were in the principal's office the last three times?
[Cut to Luz on stage at an audition for Romeo and Juliet, holding a spork.]
Luz	O happy dagger, give me death!
[Luz stabs the spork into her torso before tearing her dress, making several links of sausages fall out. Everyone else on stage screams and runs. Cut to Luz sewing a pigeon head onto a squirrel's body, on a platform labelled "baby griffin".]
Luz	Now for the final anatomically correct touch, spider breath.
[She opens the model's beak. Many spiders come out, crawling over her and the table. People scream in terror, throwing objects everywhere. Cut to cheerleading tryouts, where a girl does a successful backflip. Every other student applauds.]
Luz	You think that's an impressive trick? [Throws her pom-poms to the side.] Take a look at this. [Turns around to reveal she flipped her eyelids inside out.] Bleep, bloop, bleep!
[Everyone else screams and runs, and it sounds like at least one person is gagging. Cut back to Principal Hal's office.]
Camila	We all love that you express yourself, but if you can't learn to separate fantasy from reality, you may need to spend the summer here.
[She holds out a pamphlet for Reality Check Summer Camp. Luz takes it reluctantly.]
Luz	Don't worry, Mom. I won't let you down. [Stands up triumphantly.] No more weirdness!
[The snake in Luz's hand suddenly jumps out and bites the principal. He falls to the ground with a yell while the snake hisses.]
Luz	That doesn't count, right?
[Cut to Luz, who is standing disappointedly in front of her house.]
Camila	[Exits the house.] Oh! Oh, my baby! [Hugs Luz.] Now, don't worry. Summer camp is only going to be for three months. You'll be so busy balancing checkbooks and learning to... appreciate public radio, the time will fly by!
Luz	But I don't like any of that stuff. I like editing anime clips to music and—and reading fantasy books with convoluted backstories.
Camila	Mija, your fantasy world is holding you back. Do you have any friends? Real ones, not imagined or drawn or reptilian?
[Luz drops her book, disappointed. She walks slowly over to the trash bin.]
Camila	Summer camp is a chance to make some friends, but you have to try. Can you do that?
Luz	Yes, Mom.
[Luz puts her book, The Good Witch Azura, into the trash bin. Camila's phone vibrates in her purse.]
Camila	Oh. I gotta go to work. [Kisses Luz's forehead.] Your bus is coming soon. Text me when you get there. Cuídate mucho, mi hija. ¡Qué te vaya bien! [Walks away.]
Luz	Bye, Mom. [Watches her leave, then gasps and rummages through the bin.] Where is it? Where is it?
[An owl hoots. Luz looks up and sees a little owl, her book sticking out of the bag in his beak. It turns and flies away.]
Luz	Tiny trash thief!
[Luz chases the owl. She pauses when the reach a decrepit abandoned house, but the owl continues right inside. Luz stares at the house. Luz growls. Steeling her nerves, Luz runs inside. The front door slams shut behind her, and the entire inside glows, visible through the windows and the holes in the roof. Cut to the inside of a tent, where a door unfolds in three parts before opening. The little owl hops through it, and a second later, Luz follows.]
Luz	Stop adorably hopping away, you—Huh? [Looks around the tent, which is full of old odds and ends.] Whoa. I thought I had a lot of weird stuff. [Grabs a creepy-looking doll.] But this? This is impressive.
Middle-aged Woman	[Offscreen.] Finally, you're back.
[Luz makes a noise and drops to the ground. She peeks back up and walks forward, moving the flap of the tent aside to see the back of a woman.]
Middle-aged Woman	Now let's see what we've got here.
[The little owl lands on top of the woman's staff. She turns him around, and it becomes a wooden fixture of the staff. Luz gasps.]
Middle-aged Woman	[Takes out a phone from the bag.] Garbage. [Takes out a ring.] Garbage. [Takes out a golden shining chalice.] Garbage. [Gasps.] Now, this... [Takes out a pair of joke glasses with eyes on springs and puts them on.] This will make me rich. [Takes out Luz's book.] And this... Oh, this will make good kindling. [Holds the book with candle.]
Luz	[Gasps; runs out of the tent and grabs her book back.] Excuse me, sorry, it's mine, thank you.
[Luz runs back into the tent and heads for the door. It folds up before she can walk through it and disappears. Camera zooms out to show the middle-aged woman holding a key with an eye on it, the same eye that was on the door.]
Middle-aged Woman	[Takes off the glasses.] You're not going anywhere.
Luz	Wah-ah!
[She shoves Azura into her messenger bag and ducks out the back of the tent. She runs, and skids to a stop mere inches away from falling off a cliff. She's clearly no longer on Earth, the town before her being made up of far too many arms and teeth. A dragon flies by and is caught by one of said arms. Cut to denizens of the town going about their days: a cloaked figure holding an ice cream cone which eats someone, the legs of what appear to be a giant chicken, a centipede-looking thing opening its mouth to let a winged creature fly out. The latter two kiss before going their separate ways. Cut back to Luz.]
Luz	[Backing away from the cliff.] Oh, no, no, no, no! What's going on? [Shrieks as a fairy approaches her.] Oh, hello, little fairy. Are you going to tell me this is all a fantastical dream?
Fairy	[The fairy's Mouth grows to half the size of its face.] Give me your skin!
Luz	[Screams, slaps the fairy into the ground.] Where am I? Did I die? Am I in the bad place?
Middle-aged Woman	[Touches her shoulder.] You wish.
Luz	[Sits down on a stool.] I'm so sorry! I just wanted my book! If you're gonna eat my skin, [Offers her arm and closes her eyes.] just make it quick! Just do it now!
Middle-aged Woman	Eat you? Why would I eat... a potential customer?
[Luz opens her eyes.]
Middle-aged Woman	Can I offer you a human foot filled with holes? [Holds up a green Croc, then puts it aside and grabs a stick of men's deodorant.] A bar of green human candy? Oh, oh! How about this black shadow box that reflects only sadness? [Holds a portable TV up to Luz.]
Luz	[Looks at the middle-aged woman and laughs.] That's not all it can do. Here, let me see it.
[Luz takes the TV and grabs two batteries from a dish labelled "Human candy! (????)" She puts the batteries in and presses the power button. A jazzercise video start playing with loud music.]
Luz	Voilà!
[Several customers and vendors stop at the noise.]
Monster #1	Huh?
Monster #2	What's that?
Monster #3	The sound—it's so alluring.
[Several monsters are now crowded around the TV.]
Monster #1	[Holding up green bills.] I'll pay 40 snails for the screaming box!
Monster #2	I'll give you a hundred!
Monster #3	Can I eat the tiny person inside?
[The whole crowd starts bidding.]
Middle-aged Woman	[Looks at Luz.] What did you say your name was?
Luz	I'm Luz. Luz Noceda.
Middle-aged Woman	[Taking people's money.] Well, Luz, that was pretty clever... for a human.
Luz	That's kind of a weird thing for another human to say.
Middle-aged Woman	Oh, dear child, [Take off bandana to reveal pointed ears.] I'm not like you. [Climbs onto the table.] I'm Eda the Owl Lady, the most powerful witch on the Boiling Isles!
Luz	A witch?
Eda	I am a respected, feared-
Guard #1	Busted! [Breaks the TV.]
Monster	Run! It's a guard!
[All of the customers run away screaming. Eda hops down from the table.]
Guard #1	[Holds up Eda's wanted poster.] Eda the Owl Lady, you are wanted for misuse of magic and demonic misdemeanors.
Luz	[Peeking over the edge of the table.] Whoa! Witch criminal!
Guard #1	[Grabs Eda's arm.] You are hereby ordered to come with me to the Conformatorium.
Eda	[Frees her arm.] Would you guys quit following me around? I haven't done squat.
Guard #1	And you're coming too... [Picks Luz up by her hood.]
Luz	Aah!
Guard #1	...for fraternizing with a criminal.
Luz	Wh-What? That's not cool!
Eda	Oh, all right, all right, you win. Just let me get my stuff.
[Eda reaches under the table and grabs her staff, swinging it at the guard. He falls to the ground with a grunt. Eda spins her staff and taps the bottom of it on the table, making all her stuff float in midair. Luz picks herself and her book off the ground.]
Eda	Whoops. Can't forget this.
[Eda reaches into her hair and pulls out the key, pressing the eye to summon the portal door. She closes her hand into a fist, making the tablecloth wrap itself around all of her stuff. She sticks her staff through the bundle and starts running.]
Eda	Follow me, human.
Luz	[Following Eda.] This is crazy. If I die here, my mom's gonna kill me!
Eda	Ha! I won't let 'em hurt you. A human like you is much more valuable to me alive than dead.
Luz	Wait. What's that supposed to-
Eda	Whoo-hoo!
[Eda jumps, pulling herself and Luz onto her staff. They take off into the sky as the guard runs into frame.]
Guard #1	You won't get away with this, Owl Lady! [Looks at his hands.] Yeah, all right. You did. You got away with it. She got away with it, everybody! Typical.
[Cut to Eda and a crying Luz flying on Eda's staff above the Isles.]
Eda	You can open your eyes now, human.
Luz	[Does so, yells and nearly falls off the staff when she sees the ground below them.] Flying staffs, crazy monsters, you're a witch! What is this place?
Eda	[Picks Luz up and rights her.] This is the Boiling Isles. Every myth you humans have is caused by a little of our world leaking into yours.
[Various winged creatures fly behind them as Eda talks. A griffin that looks extremely similar to the one Luz made at school flies up next to them and screeches.]
Luz	A griffin!
[The griffin barfs spiders.]
Luz	[Points.] I knew it!
Eda	Yep. Griffins, vampires, giraffes...
Luz	Giraffes?
Eda	Oh, yeah. We banished those guys. Bunch of freaks.
[Eda lands the staff and hops off, though her hand stays behind. Luz sees it move on its own.]
Luz	Aaah! [Jumps off the staff.]
Eda	Oops. [Screws her hand back on.] That happens sometimes.
Luz	[Stands.] Well, I've had enough adventure for today. This is clearly not the PG fantasy world I always dreamed about. So, can you help me get back home?
[Eda levels her staff in front of Luz, startling her.]
Eda	Only if you help me first. [Chuckles, lifts her staff, and walks away with the bag following her.] Ah, now, come along, human.
Luz	Whoa!
[Cut to a tower, on top of which is an owl with an uncanny human face that cackles. Zoom out as it flies down to reveal the Owl House, which Eda and Luz walk up to.]
Luz	[Looking over her shoulder.] Aren't you worried about those guards finding us?
Eda	Nope. My house has a state-of-the-art defense system.
Hooty	Hoot-hoot! Password, please!
[Eda pokes both of his eyes.]
Hooty	Aah!
Eda	We got no time for this, Hooty. Let us in.
Hooty	All right, all right! Geez! You never want to have any fun! Ow! Hoot!
[Hooty opens his mouth wide enough to completely cover the door. Eda and Luz step through, though Eda's bag stays outside. Hooty closes his mouth. Hooty burps. Cut to inside.]
Eda	Welcome to, [Snaps her fingers.] the Owl House...
[Candles ignite. A fire in the fireplace starts, a cauldron starts stirring itself, and a broom starts sweeping the floor. Overhead, a depiction of an owl beast of some kind begins to glow with a great screeching noise. Luz looks at all of this in awe.]
Eda	...where I hide away from the pressures of modern life. Also the cops. Mm, also ex-boyfriends. [Chuckles.]
Luz	This place is beautiful! [Puts her book onto a coffee table.] Do you live here all alone?
[Thudding footsteps shake the house.]
Eda	Actually, I have a roommate.
King	[Deep voice.] Who dares intrude upon I, [Normal voice.] the king of demons? [Squeaks a rubber ducky.]
Luz	[Gasps in overjoy.] ¡Ay, que lindo! [Runs forward and scoops King up in a hug.] Eda, he's so cute! Who's a widdle guy? Who's a widdle guy? Is it you? Is it you?
King	[Struggles to free himself.] No! I don't know who your little guy is! Eda, who is this monster?
Eda	[Drags Luz away from King.] Oh, this is Luz, the human. [Puts her down.] She's here to help us with our little... situation.
King	Oh! Hooray!
Luz	Wait, wait, wait. I don't like the sound of this "situation".
Eda	Just... let me explain. [Draws a spell circle that darkens and effectively turns into a storybook. Narrating.] King was once a mighty king of demons, until his Crown of Power was stolen, and he became... [Cut to Luz hugging King again.] this.
Luz	You mean this little bundle of joy?
Eda	[Narrating.] The crown is being held by the evil Warden Wrath and locked away behind a magical force field that only a human can break through.
[The storybook circle fades, return to Luz hugging King.]
Eda	A human like you. If you help us retrieve his crown, we'll send you back to your realm. So whaddya say? Plus, [Picks up King by his face and shakes him gently.] who could say no to this cute face?
King	No! Please don't encourage her! [Eda drops him.] Nyeh!
Eda	I mean, we're kinda your only way home.
Luz	So I don't really have a choice, do I?
Eda	Nope. [Picks Luz up and tosses her over her shoulder as she heads for the door.] Now, we've got no time to lose.
King	[Picks up his rubber duck.] Soon, Mr. Ducky, we shall drink the fear of those who mocked us. [Follows Eda.]
Luz	Where are we going?
Eda	Somewhere super fun.
[Cut to the Conformatorium, where thunder claps.]
Eda	The Conformatorium, a place for those considered unsuitable for society.
Luz	[Notices Eda's wanted poster on the wall they're hiding behind.] Whoa. These guys really have the hots for you.
Eda	Yep. But we were never caught because we're too slippery.
King	Try to catch me when I'm covered in grease. I'm a squirmy little fella. Aah! [Falls off of Luz's head.] You and I will sneak up to the top of the tower, where they're holding my crown.
Eda	And I'm gonna make sure the warden's distracted.
Luz	[Gasps.] Will I need a disguise?
Eda	Uh...
Luz	I've been waiting to use this. [Pulls her hood on, flicks up cat ears.] Meow, meow.
King	It's hideous.
Eda	Oh, you'll fit right in.
[Eda taps the butt of her staff against the ground, creating a round glowing platform. She steps away from it.]
Eda	Hang on tight.
Luz	Whoa!
[The platform rises, floating all the way up to a window in the tower. It disappears suddenly, forcing Luz to grab the edge of the window sill and King to cling to her feet. Eda, meanwhile, tosses her staff and casually sits down on it as it rises.]
Eda	Meet you guys at the top of the tower.
[King grunts as he climbs up Luz and into the window. Also grunting, Luz pulls herself up and in, falling on her face.]
King	Ha-ha! Cat's don't do that.
[Luz sits up and gasps. The two of them marvel at the amount of prison cells before them, all of them occupied by shadowy beasts of varying shapes and sizes, though all of their eyes glow in the light.]
Katya	Hey, cat lady, how'd you get out of your cell?
Luz	Oh, no, no, no. I'm not a cat. [Pulls her hood down.] Also, I'm not a criminal.
King	Not yet, you're not.
Katya	Neither are we. The stupid warden likes to lock people up who don't fit in. Like, I write fanfics of food falling in love. [Pulls out a book of said fanfiction.] I like food, I like love... Just let me write about it.
Eye-Eating Prisoner	I'm here because I like eating my own eyes. [Plucks an eye out of his head as he says this, swallowing it. The eye floats back into place.]
Tinella Nosa	We are agents of fwee expwession! They will never siwence us!
Katya	Yeah, she's really big into conspiracy theories.
Tinella Nosa	The world is a simulation! We are but playthings for a higher being!
Luz	[Pacing around.] Wait. These aren't crimes. None of you actually did anything wrong. [Pulls out Eda's wanted poster.] You're all just a bunch of weirdos. Like me.
[Thudding footsteps attract their attention.]
Katya	It's Warden Wrath! Hide!
[Luz exclaims and runs into an open cell, pulling the door down as she enters. Footsteps continue until a door is pushed open.]
Warden Wrath	I can hear you.
[Luz whimpers.]
Warden Wrath	[Stomping forward.] Just what are you fools whispering about? [Looks down at Eda's wanted poster that Luz had dropped.] Ah. The Owl Lady. [Picks up the poster and crumples it, turning his fist into a hammer and slamming it into the door of Luz's cell.] I'll get my hands on her soon enough.
[Warden Wrath looks into the cell, where Luz and King are huddled in the corner.]
Tinella Nosa	Fight against the oppwessor! We will wesist! We will conquer! We will never be afwaid of you, you old cweep!
[Warden Wrath walks over to her cell and opens it. She stares at the opening door.]
Tinella Nosa	Hooway! I'm fwee! [Squeaks.]
[Warden Wrath grabs Tinella Nosa, his fist fitting around her entire body. He holds her up and points at the other two prisoners.]
Warden Wrath	Let this be a lesson to all of you. There's no place in society for you if you can't fit in.
[He tightens his grip, making Tinella Nosa squeak again. Warden Wrath stomps away, crushing the crumpled up wanted poster on his way out. A door slams, and Luz opens her cell, running to that of Katya.]
Luz	Don't worry. I can get you out. [Pulls on the lever, but can't lift it.] No! My weak nerd arms!
Katya	Just get out of here while you still can, kid. Enjoy freedom for us.
[Katya walks deeper in her cell. Luz reluctantly walks away. Cut to a hallway, where Eda flies up to Luz.]
Eda	Hey, I just checked. [Hops off her staff.] The warden is distracted, tormenting some tiny creature. He won't be coming around here anytime soon.
[Luz continues walking without saying anything. Eda watches her, confused. They reach a towering door reading "CONTRABAND".]
King	My crown! It's close! I can sense its power! [Runs up to the door and fiddles with the doorknob that's as big as he is.]
Eda	Aw, he gets so cute when he's thirsty for power.
Luz	It's not fair that they're all in here. They just want to be themselves. Why does everyone think that being a weirdo is so bad?
[King grunts. The doorknob is thrown to the ground with a clink. King pushes open the door, cackling, and runs through.]
Eda	Come on, before he hurts himself.
[Something zaps.]
King	Ow!
[Luz and Eda follow King in. Cut to the inside of the room, which is empty save a giant glowing pillar in the center. King rubs his skull before charging at the pillar headfirst, succeeding only in launching himself backwards.]
Eda	We have a human, remember?
King	Oh, yeah.
[Luz takes a breath. She puts a hand against the pillar before walking through it. Inside are piles of what can only be described as as junk: everything from books to skulls to a dead fish in a tank. Atop the central one is a glowing crown.]
Luz	Wait a second. Is that a...
[Cuts to Luz holding a Burger Queen paper crown, looking incredibly frustrated.]
King	My crown! [Jumps in place before taking the crown from Luz and placing it on his head.] Yes. Yes! I can feel my powers returning! You, there. Nightmare critter. [Points to a stuffed rabbit with one button eye falling out of a box.] I shall call you Francois, and you shall be a minion in my army of darkness. Ha-ha! [Picks up the rabbit.]
Luz	That crown doesn't give him any powers, does it?
Eda	Uh, no.
[Luz glares at Eda.]
Eda	Oh, look at us, Luz. King and I don't have much in this world. We only have each other. So if that dumb crown is important to him, it's important to me. And besides, us weirdos have to stick together, you know?
[Luz grins and blushes.]
Eda	Well, we owe you one. Now, let's get out of here before the warden finds us and loses his head.
Warden Wrath	Too late.
[Warden Wrath's hand turns into a blade, and with an easy swing he decapitates Eda. Luz catches her head and screams.]
Eda	[Sticking her tongue out like a bad fake corpse.] Ow! Oh, I hate it when that happens.
[Luz screams louder and longer. Cut to commercial.]
Luz	Eda! Are you okay?
Eda	Yeah. This just happens when you get older.
Luz	Does it?
Warden Wrath	Finally, [Transforms his hand back into a hand.] I have you cornered, Eda the Owl Lady. [Takes King's crown.]
King	Weh?
[Warden Wrath walks closer to Eda and Luz. King follows him, his arms up and reaching for his crown.]
Warden Wrath	My guards could never get you, but I knew if I took your pet's toy, you'd come running. [Crumples the crown.]
King	No! My power!
Eda	What do you want with me? I've never actually broken any of your stupid laws... in front of you.
Warden Wrath	I want you... [Pulls out a bouquet of flowers.] to go out with me.
Eda	Wha...?
Luz	[Disgusted.] What?
Guard #2	Go, boss!
Warden Wrath	[Shoots the guard a thumbs-up.] You've always eluded our capture. You've always been the one who got away. I found that alluring.
Luz	I hate everything you're saying right now.
Warden Wrath	You stay out of this!
[Warden Wrath tosses the bouquet over his shoulder, turning his now free hand into tentacles to grab Luz and hold her above the ground.]
Warden Wrath	So how about it, Owl Lady? [Picks Eda's head up by the hair.] The most powerful witch of the Boiling Isles and the feared Warden Wrath. We'd be the strongest power couple ever. I mean, it's—it's not like you can say no right now.
[Eda looks up at Luz, who's struggling to free herself from the warden's grasp. She looks to King, who gets picked up by one of the guards and also struggles for freedom.]
Eda	[Sighs.] All right, Warden. You win. I'd just like to say something first. Come closer. No. Just come a little bit closer. Just... Yeah, that's good. [Blows raspberry.]
[Warden Wrath yells and drops Luz, who also yells. He wipes Eda's spit off his mask. Eda laughs.]
Warden Wrath	Impudent wench! Don't you know how many germs are in your mouth? Blegh!
Eda	Get over it. You had your guards stalk me, and then you cut off my head. I am not going out with you.
Warden Wrath	If you don't accept, then I have no choice but to des—Oh!
[Luz hits him in the head with Eda's staff. He falls to the ground with a loud crash.]
Eda	[Chuckles.] Nice!
[The two guards step next to Eda's head. She glares at them as her body walks up behind them and drags their hoods over their eyes.]
Luz	Okay, we're going now.
[Luz runs forward, grabbing Eda's head. Eda's body frees King of the guard's grasp, and Luz grabs her by the waist and they all mount the staff. Owlbert unfurls his wings and hoots.]
Luz	Expecto... flying? Magicus... escapicus!
[Warden Wrath grunts as he gets up.]
Eda	Gun it, magic stick!
[The staff takes off. Warden Wrath clamors to his feet.]
Warden Wrath	Owl Lady, I won't let you get away again!
[His arms transform into bundles of tentacles, which he uses to chase after the staff. Cut to them flying past prison cells, Warden Wrath in hot pursuit. Luz and the camera zero in on the lever keeping Katya's cell shut.]
Luz	Eda, lend me a hand!
[Eda places her hand against Luz's. They open the cells of the three prisoners Luz and King had talked to earlier. All of them look excited. They burst through an outer door high in the center of the Conformatorium with a yell from Luz, then plummet. Warden Wrath exits right behind them, front flipping off the pillar. The staff and Warden Wrath fall toward the ground. Warden Wrath extends one of his tentacles, hitting the very back of the staff and launching Eda, Luz, and King off of it. They roll when they hit the ground, and Warden Wrath steps in front of them, his hand shifting into a blade again.]
King	Ow, my bones!
Eda	Luz... [Reattaches her head, then reaches into her hair and pulls out the key to the portal door.] go back to the human world. [Hands Luz the key, then runs at Warden Wrath.]
Luz	What about you guys?
King	[Stands and runs to join Eda.] If you think this guy is bad, you shoulda seen her last boyfriend!
Eda	Not my boyfriend. [Grabs King and jumps back towards Luz, avoiding Wrath's blade-hands.] Go! Go! [Puts Luz onto her staff.]
Luz	But—But I—
[Eda slaps the bottom of the staff, sending it into the air. Warden Wrath takes off his mask to reveal a face that's mostly mouth, which opens to breathe fire. Eda expertly draws two spell circles, one that catches the fire and one that launches it right back. Wrath slams into the wall of the Conformatorium. Luz whimpers as she tries to not fall off the staff. Wrath stands up, brandishing his blade-hands and running at Eda again. The three prisoners peek out of the hole that he left in the wall. Luz flies down to talk to them.]
Luz	Why are you guys just standing there? This is your chance to escape!
Eye-Eating Prisoner	The warden'll catch us. He always does.
Katya	We belong here.
Tinella Nosa	Self-doubt is a pwison you can never escape fwom.
[Prisoners muttering in agreement.]
Luz	So, you have a different way of doing things, a different way of seeing things. That might make you weird, but it also makes you awesome. Don't you see?
Katya	Why are you helping us?
Luz	Because us weirdos have to stick together. [Pulls her hood on and mounts the staff.] And nobody should be punished for who they are.
[The three prisoners all cheer. Luz turns the staff around.]
Luz	Now, let's get 'em!
[They all follow Luz. Cut to Eda being thrown against the ground, and King being thrown into her arms a second later. Warden Wrath looms over them.]
Warden Wrath	No more running away, Owl Lady. Today I capture you once and for all!
[King whimpers, and hides his face in Eda's chest.]
Luz	Go, go, go, go!
[The prisoners scream as they barrel into Wrath. Luz flies behind them.]
Eda	Luz?
Eye-Eating Prisoner	[While shoving Wrath.] I eat my own eyes!
Tinella Nosa	[Trips Wrath.] I think the world as a twiangle!
Katya	[Holding Wrath down.] And I practice the ancient art of fanfiction!
[Tinella Nosa joins Katya in holding Warden Wrath down while Eye-Eating Prisoner grabs his arms and ties them together. He then flips Wrath onto his stomach, so he can see Luz descending on Eda's staff.]
Warden Wrath	You! Who do you think you are?
Luz	[Points at Wrath.] Do not underestimate me, Warden Wrath, for I am Luz, the human, warrior of peace. [Wind blows her hair.] Now eat this, sucka!
[Luz pulls her firecracker from her book report out of her messenger bag, tossing it into the air before hitting it with Eda's staff. The firecracker lands in Wrath's flaming mouth and goes off, sending fireworks into the air. He runs away, humiliated, fireworks still going off in his mouth, while the prisoners cheer.]
Tinella Nosa	[Jumping up and down.] We are victorious!
[Eda, with King on her shoulder, walks closer to Luz, putting a hand on the human's shoulder.]
King	That was actually one of her better breakups.
Eda	Not a breakup. Anyway, let's bounce before any more monsters fall in love with me.
[The three fly off on the staff, fireworks still going off behind them. Cut to the living room of the Owl House, where Eda leans her staff against the couch.]
Eda	Well, a deal's a deal. Let's get you home. [Snaps fingers.]
[The key flies out of Luz's bag and into Eda's hand. She presses the eye, and the portal door unfolds itself in front of the fireplace. Luz walks up to it, then hugs herself and turns back to look at Eda and King. King looks at the ground, visibly sad. Luz reaches into her bag.]
Luz	Before I go... [Holds out the head of her Azura doll.] I know it's not the same, but... [Removes Azura's crown.] a king shouldn't be without a crown.
King	[Accepts the crown and places it on his head.] This shall suffice. You there, plant! You are now under my command. [He points to something and walks off screen.]
Eda	[Grabs the Azura book off the table and hands it to Luz.] Oh, and don't forget this.
[Luz takes it, and the pamphlet for Reality Check Summer Camp that's on top of it, and walks toward the portal. She stares at the pamphlet before putting it under the Azura book. She pauses in front of the door, looking at it. She looks back down at her book, then up, at a mirror above the fireplace. Luz gasps. She holds up the book, on the cover of which is Azura in the foreground, with an older witch looking at a dog/cat creature in the background. She lowers the book to reveal the mirror showing a very similar image, King and Eda in the same positions as the creature and the older witch, and herself in the foreground between them. She brightens and turns around.]
Luz	Okay. I know you got your head cut off, and we started some kind of prison riot, but this was the most fun I've ever had.
[Eda blinks owlishly in surprise.]
Luz	I don't fit in at home. You don't fit in here. If I stay, we could not fit in together. [She looks at the pamphlet for Reality Check one last time, then crumples it.] I'm not going back to summer camp.
Eda	[Chuckles.] What's summer camp? What are we talking about here?
Luz	I want to stay and become a witch. Like you. [Holds her book up to Eda.] And Azura.
Eda	[Laughing.] What? All right, that's crazy. [Pushes Luz's book down.] Humans can't become witches.
Luz	Maybe that's because they haven't tried. If you teach me to become a witch, I'll do anything you want.
King	[Pulling at Eda's dress.] Let her stay! [Whispers.] She can make us snacks.
Eda	[Smiles and picks King up.] Well, I could use a hand keeping this goofball out of the cupboards. All right. I'll teach you how to be a witch. But you have to work for me before you learn any spells. Deal?
[Eda holds out her hand. Luz looks at it before grinning and crushing the two in a hug.]
Eda	Gah! What's going on?
King	Too tight! Too tight!
[Cut to Luz opening the creaking door to a storage room. She unrolls a sleeping bag and, now wearing pajamas, throws herself on it, before turning over and taking a picture of her and her mom out of her messenger bag. She rubs her thumb over the glass before placing the frame right next to her pillow. Her phone vibrates, and she grabs it and turns it on. A message from "Mom❤️" reads: How's summer camp? Luz's expression falls, and she moves her phone away from her face.]
King	[Clears his throat, steps into view while holding Francois.] Your sleep cocoon looks fluffy.
[Luz sits up and pats the sleeping bag. King curls up at the bottom below her feet and falls asleep. Luz smiles at him before replying to her mom: "I think I'm gonna like it here". Smiling, she puts her phone down, turns to the side, and falls asleep. Zoom out to the exterior of the Owl House. The giant stained glass eye above the door blinks.]
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