The First Day/Transcript

— This is a transcribed copy of The First Day. —

Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "Adventures in the Elements"

Next: "Really Small Problems"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open on a dark backstage. Luz activates a light glyph and holds it between her and Eda.]
Luz	I-I'm not ready for this Eda. Maybe we should go back.
Eda	Nah, kid, you got this. Just do what we practiced!
Luz	But what if... What if I mess something up? Or what if I do something wrong? [Gasps.] What if I die?
Eda	Hey. Calm down, calm down. I had to do the same thing when I was a witchling. It's like a rite of passage. Granted, I was a little more skilled.
Luz	Eda!
Eda	Right, right. Sorry, sorry. Now, get pumped.
Luz	Pumped!
Eda	Get ready.
Luz	[Pulls hood up.] Ready!
Eda	Now, go! [Shoves her.]
[Cut to the stage, a spotlight aimed at the closed curtains and a banner reading "Hexside School: Entrance Exams." The curtains open. Luz jumps on stage in a dark cloak.]
Luz	[Movie trailer narrator voice.] From the humblest of beginnings, a hero will rise. [Normal voice.] I have traveled from another realm and trained with a powerful witch to master dark and forbidden magic. I am... [Takes cloak off with a twirl.] Luz Noceda!
[Reveal the audience, which is empty except for Principal Bump sitting in the front row with a clipboard.]
Luz	[Chuckles awkwardly, tosses confetti out of a fanny pack.] Confetti!
Principal Bump	Right. The human that wants to be a witch. Against my better judgement, I've allowed you to take this exam into Hexside. But can you even do magic with all your... human parts?
Luz	I sure can. [Zips open fanny pack.] It's said that humans can't do magic, [Pulls out papers and shows them to both sides of the auditorium.] but I discovered a lost technique that changes everything.
Principal Bump	Hmm?
[Eda gives two thumbs-up from backstage. Luz activates the light glyph and lets the ball rise. She moves the ice glyph under the light and activates it. Luz beams and does jazz hands.]
Principal Bump	Spells cast with paper? I've never heard of such a thing. [To himself.] But is it enough to pass the exam?
Luz	Uhh...
Eda	Improvise.
Luz	Um, I can do other things, what about... this? [Stands, flips eyelids inside out.] Bleep, bloop, bleep!
[Principal Bump is not impressed.]
Luz	Ow, ow! Eyelash! Eyelash!
[Luz slips on the melted ice pillar and falls into her abandoned cloak. She stands and tries to free herself, falling off the stage and onto Principal Bump. She rolls off him.]
Luz	Sorry, sorry, sorry! [Places hand on an ice glyph.] Whoops! Ah!
[The ice pillar lifts her up by one foot until she's eye level with Principal Bump.]
Luz	I failed, didn't I?
Principal Bump	Believe it or not, I've seen worse.
[Luz falls on her face.]
Principal Bump	Welcome, Luz, to Hexside School of Magic and Demonics! [Drops pamphlet on her head.]
Luz	[Weakly.] Hurray.
-THEME SONG-
[Cut to Eda and Luz flying on Eda's staff. Luz is wearing a Hexside uniform, though the normal uniform parts are in a lighter gray than most and her sleeves and leggings are white.]
Luz	Mmm, we gotta go back. This was a mistake! I'm gonna mess things up again and everyone will see, and—
Eda	Right, you gotta calm down. What are you nervous about? You've been to school before.
Luz	That's why I'm nervous! At my human school, I didn't make a good first impression. This is a chance to be seen as something other than a screw-up.
Eda	Hey, don't worry about what those dorks think. If you want my advice, walk into class and punch the first kid you see. To establish dominance.
Luz	Aw, I won't be doing that. But thanks.
[They land at Hexside. Luz dismounts.]
Eda	Last chance to back out, and earn a new Bad Girl Coven patch. [Holds up a patch that reads "Quitter Badge".] Quitting: It's like trying, but easier.
Luz	Nah, I'll just earn it when I quit showering. Bye! [Runs off.]
Eda	Hold up! [Throws hand at Luz's head to turn her around.] Just try not to be too much of a goody Luz shoes. [Screws her hand back on.] You got this.
Luz	Thanks, Eda. In fact, [Pulls sock puppets of her and Eda out of her pockets.] I have written a heartfelt sonnet to commemorate this occasion.
Eda	[Flying away.] Whoops! A gust of wind just got me. See you after school! Bye!
Luz holding Puppet Eda	You're gonna do great, kid.
Luz	Thanks, Puppet Eda.
[Cut to a banner reading "WELCOME TO THE NEW SEMESTER". Various students are arriving at Hexside. Luz looks around with a smile on her face. Amity and an abomination come up to her.]
Amity	[Her abomination mirroring her movements.] Hey, Luz! Congrats on getting in. And not being in the baby class.
Luz	Thanks, Amity! Up top!
[Amity high-fives Luz. Amity's abomination slaps Luz's face, leaving abomination mud behind. Amity and her abomination walk off.]
Luz	[Wipes mud off her face.] Blegh! Wow, my first day at Hexside. A chance to discover my true magical potential. And maybe meet a hot yet vulnerable upperclassman.
King	Dream on!
Luz	King?
King	[Pops out of Luz's backpack.] Boop! [Pokes her cheek, then jumps to the ground.]
Luz	Why are you in my bag?
King	You're a free ride to the best buffet in town! Nyah! [Hops into a trash can, comes out with a half-eaten doughnut.] The trash cans here are filled with half-eaten gold!
Luz	Okay, but if anyone asks, you don't know me. [Walks away.]
King	Have a wonderful school day, person-I-don't-know!
Abomination Student	I really needed to hear that.
[Cut to the main staircase.]
Willow and Gus	Luz!
Luz	Hello, fellow Hexoleos!
Willow	Hello, classmate! [Winks.]
Gus	You did it, Luz! [Summons letters reading out "BETTER LUCK NEXT TIME!" Willow glares at him.] Sorry, I was, uh, covering all my bases.
Willow	So, do you know who those witches are? [Gestures to nine banners.] Those are the heads of the main nine covens. Each one excelled at a magic school like Glandus, St. Epiderm, and, of course, Hexside. Are you prepared to enter these hallowed halls?
Luz	Hmm, that's what I'm gonna figure out right now. [Goes inside.] See you on the other side, friends.
Gus	See you later, Luz. [Summons letters spelling out "GOODBYE FOREVER!" Willow glares again.] You know what? I'm uh, I'ma just get rid of these.
[Cut to Principal Bump's office, where he's watching a crystal ball.]
Perry	[On the crystal ball.] A terrible development at Glandus High School. Students and teachers were found unconscious and without magic. The cause remains unknown.
Principal Bump	Ha! Take that, Glandus! Looks like this year's grudgby match is going to be a forfeit.
[Door closes.]
Luz	Hiya, Princy-B! Can I call you that?
Principal Bump	Absolutely not. Now, today we'll be visited by the Emperor's Coven for a routine inspection. If we want to impress them, you'll need to join a coven track before they arrive.
Luz	Actually, Principal Bump, I've made my own schedule. [Unfurls a scroll.] First, Vet Care for Mythical Beasts, then Healing and Dealing, and then after lunch—
Principal Bump	[Laughs.] Studying multiple tracks at once? No one does that.
Luz	Then I'll be the first.
Principal Bump	[Very serious.] No, you won't. [Holds up rule book with Emperor's Coven logo on it.] According to the rules, a good witch needs to hocus-focus. You can only pick one of the nine tracks. [Points to the track banners above him.] And you do not want to embarrass me in front of the inspector.
Luz	But all the tracks are so cool! Is there some sort of enchanted article of clothing that could sort this out for me?
Principal Bump	Well there used to be, but...
[Flashback to Principal Bump holding the Choosy Hat, a brown classic witch's hat, over a young student's head.]
Young Student	Oh, I'm so excited!
[The Choosy Hat is placed on their head. It turns around, a scarecrow-like face on the pointed part.]
Choosy Hat	And now... I feed! [Brim grows teeth and closes around the student's head.]
Young Student	Ahh!
[Cut back to the present. Principal Bump shudders.]
Luz	I don't know if I can choose just one.
Principal Bump	Then I'll choose one for you. [Points to the track banners.] Eeny, meeny, miny, moe! Ah, yes! The Potions track. You humans are filled with liquids, right?
[Principal Bump casts a spell that changes the tunic and cowl of Luz's uniform to the standard greys and the sleeves and leggings to yellow.]
Luz	Oh, I guess I have always liked pouring things into other things.
Principal Bump	I expect you to be on your best behavior. [Looks at a corkboard of with pictures of the results of Luz's previous visits to Hexside on it.] Based on the costly repairs from recent incidents, we could really use a donation from the Emperor's Coven. Now, off to class.
[He floats Luz through the door. A random student screams.]
Principal Bump	The Choosy Hat! It broke free.
[Cut to Luz entering Potions 101.]
Potions Teacher	Welcome to a new semester! Let's get stirring! Today we'll make... [Grabs potion.] fog brews. [Smashes bottle on the floor; pops up in front of their desk.] Begin!
Luz	See, potions are fun! [Pours test tube into cauldron.] You could spend the rest of your life studying this, right?
[Something explodes outside. Luz looks out the window. Willow and Celine are facing off as wind blows. Celine grabs a crystal ball, out of which pops a mummy-like ghost.]
Luz	The Oracle Track!
[Willow traces a spell circle that she slams on the ground. A carnivorous flower grows out of the ground and hisses.]
Luz	The Plant Track!
[The ghost and the plant go at each other.]
Luz	[Pawing at the window.] Wow!
[Yellow smoke from Luz's cauldron has taken over most of the room.]
Potions Teacher	Ahem!
Luz	Sorry! [Stirs her cauldron.] Sorry.
[The Potions Teacher walks away. Luz shudders. The bell inhales, rings smaller dinner bell. Everyone leaves class.]
Luz	[Rotating her shoulder.] Ooh boy! Stirring is the pits. What else is on the schedule for today?
[She pulls out a list reading: "Potions for Beginners, Potions in Motion, Potions (Again), Still Potions, Potions 'Till You Die, Potions After Death".]
Luz	Oh, man! I'm sorry, elbow!
[Luz looks up. Celine replaces the crystal ball she had used in the battle in a closet and walks away.]
Luz	A crystal ball. Maybe it can show me if I'm on the right track. No, don't be tempted! It's your first day. Make a good impression. [Begins to walk away; pops up at the closet and grabs the ball.] Whoa!
Spirit	[Comes out of the ball.] You will be in trouble very soon.
Luz	Wow! Wait, what'd you say?
Principal Bump	Ahem!
[Cut to Principal Bump dragging Luz through the halls.]
Luz	But I wasn't studying other subjects! I uh... fog brew! [Tosses her potion on the ground, which doesn't work.] Yeah. I figured that wouldn't work.
King	[Climbs out of a trash can.] Nyah.
Luz	King! Vouch for my character!
King	Uh, right! I don't know you!
[Luz glares at King as Principal Bump continues to drag her away. Cut to a classroom with bars on the door, which Principal Bump shoves Luz into. The Detention Teacher looks up from his scroll, and Viney, Jerbo, and Barcus look over at the door.]
Luz	What is this place?
Principal Bump	This is the place where all troublemakers go. [Turns Luz's sleeves and leggings dark gray.] The detention track.
Luz	[Gasps.] Nooooo! Detention track? But this can't be possible, I-I thought I—
Principal Bump	Yes. Actual detention still needs... repairs. In the meantime, I am keeping all troublemakers far away from the eyes of the inspector. You may try for a new track next year.
Luz	But I'll be back in the human world by then.
Principal Bump	Maybe you'll do better in human school.
[The door closes as Principal Bump leaves. Luz smiles awkwardly at everyone in the room, then sits at the desk.]
Luz	Hello, fellow detentioners. Room for one more? [Looks around.] I like the little spikeys in your hair.
Detention Teacher	Hey! You all better be quiet, unless you want to scrub the classroom again.
Luz	Hey, don't blame any of them. I'm the one that started talking.
Detention Teacher	Oh, hurray. A hero.
[A mop and bucket appear in Luz's hands.]
Luz	[Walks off.] Aw, farts.
[Viney watches Luz walk off and smiles. Cut to King walking up to a trashcan.]
King	Time to scrounge through the trash— [Yelps.]
[He jumps in head first. Inside is an empty box of donuts with frosting rings. King licks the frosting.]
Teacher	That's it! I'm sick of someone eating all the donuts in the teacher's lounge. I quit!
[A tie is tossed onto King's head. He tries to take it off and knocks the trashcan over, rolling into a classroom while wearing the tie. The students all stare at him.]
Student #1	Are you our substitute?
King	Substitute? I ain't no desk jockey.
Student #2	Look at his professional looking tie! He must be!
King	Nyah! [Hops onto desk.] Can it, Fangs! You don't know diddly dang about squiddly squat!
Student #2	Uh, yes, sir! Sorry, sir! [Bows.]
King	Obedience? Well, what is a teacher if not an authority figure? A king of children, if you will. [Runs to front of the room.] Yes! I am your teacher! You may call me Mr. King!
[King looks at them all in annoyance and starts clapping. The class applauds. King beams. Cut to the detention room, where the Detention Teacher is asleep and Luz is polishing the bars on the windows. A teacher walks past the window outside with younger kids following her.]
Spider Teacher	Alright, kids. Who wants to go on a field trip to the astral planes?
Braxas	Yay!
Student #3	I do!
Luz	I do.
Willow	Luz!
Luz	Oh, my gosh! I missed you so much. Let me squeeze your faces. [Squeezes Willow's face.]
Gus	What's going on? We didn't see you in any classes.
Luz	Principal Bump put me in the detention track for mixing magic.
Willow	The detention track? You can't do anything in there.
Gus	You'll learn less than you did before.
Luz	No, I'm better than this. Please, you gotta help me break out.
Gus	Don't worry. We'll get you out, dead or alive!
[Willow glances at Gus, shakes her head.]
Gus	Okay. Alive.
Luz	Aw, you guys.
[Chair squeaks.]
Luz	It's the teacher. Gotta go!
[She turns around and sees Viney very close to her.]
Luz	[Gasps.] It's you!
Viney	Shh.
[Viney points to the snoring Detention Teacher, then gestures for Luz to follow her. Viney draws a square on the chalkboard with a keyhole in the center, then turns the chalk in the hole like a key. The square glows and swings open, revealing a passageway.]
Luz	Whoa.
[Viney climbs through the hole, then helps Luz through. The square closes behind her.]
Luz	What is this place?
Viney	This is the last room you'll ever see alive. [Pauses.] Nah, just messing with ya. I'm Viney.
Luz	I'm terrified! Um, I mean... I'm Luz.
Viney	Thanks for standing up for us back there. Not many people would do that. Follow me! I wanna show you something. You're one of us troublemakers now, so you'll get special access to the Secret Room of Shortcuts!
[Viney opens a door, revealing a tower-like room with a spiraling ramp. The walls, floor, and ceiling are covered in doors and windows.]
Luz	Whoa.
Viney	Hey, Jerbo! Barcus! You can stop hiding now!
Jerbo	[Opens a door.] How do we know she's cool, man? How do we know she won't turn us in? [To Barcus.] What do you think?
[Barcus barks.]
Jerbo	Barcus says your aura is strong and silly, like a baby's laughter. Welcome!
Luz	Aah! I love secret rooms! Where do the doors go?
[Luz opens one into a hallway where Amity is pacing.]
Amity	[To herself.] So, you two go to the same school now, that doesn't change anything. [Sighs.]
[Luz shuts the door.]
Amity	Huh?
Viney	This place connects the different parts of the school. We found it after being thrown in the detention track. The witch who made it is known as... [Gestures to a defaced portrait and wall of signatures.] Lord Calamity.
Jerbo	They started this troublemaker wall and we added our names in their honor.
Luz	This place is amazing. I bet you guys can get into so much trouble in here.
Viney	[Chuckles.] Sure, we can, but we can also do so much more.
[She points to where Barcus is listening in on an Oracle class. Luz walks up and watches with him.]
Oracle Teacher	Remember, seeing the end of a life is the beginning of reading a fortune. We have to work backwards from it to see the truth.
[The teacher folds a fortune teller. Barcus also folds one.]
Viney	We aren't allowed to study any kind of magic, so we study every kind of magic in secret.
Luz	You actually like school?
Viney	Yeah, we might have liked it too much.
[Cut to Jerbo wearing a Plant track uniform in a classroom with Principal Bump.]
Jerbo	[Voiceover.] I tried mixing plant magic with abominations.
[An earthy abomination grows out from under the flower Jerbo grew. The abomination throws a flower pot.]
Jerbo	[Voiceover.] Bump was not thrilled.
[Principal Bump gets hit in the face with a wad of dirt. Cut to Barcus (wearing a Potions track uniform), the Potions Teacher, and Principal Bump in a Potions classroom.]
Jerbo	[Voiceover.] Barcus makes potions with oracle magic.
[Barcus mixes a potion, then dumps a crystal ball into it. The Potions Teacher looks into the cauldron and sees themself rapidly age. They scream and fall backwards, flipping a large cauldron over themself. Principal Bump shakes his head at Barcus. Cut to a Healing classroom, where Viney, wearing a Healing track uniform, is looking at a scratch on a Bard student's arm as Principal Bump enters the room.]
Viney	[Voiceover.] Mixing healing and beast keeping was slightly unconventional.
[Viney heals the Bard's arm, then draws another spell circle. A young griffin bursts through the chalkboard.]
Viney	[Voiceover.] But Puddles was a great assistant, dang it!
[Puddles coughs up lollipops and Viney notices Bump glaring at her. Cut back to the Secret Room of Shortcuts.]
Viney	We all want to be in more than one coven track! But Bump just says we need to focus.
Luz	Sounds like Bump's priorities are out of whack.
Viney	I'm glad you're one of us. You've made a great first impression. [Pulls out a marker.] Would you like to add your name to the troublemaker wall?
Luz	Aw! [Reaches for the marker.]
Willow	[Through the wall.] Luz? We're here to get you out of that horrible class.
[Everyone looks at Luz.]
Luz	Eh, they're probably looking for some other Luz.
[Viney stands and peeks through the main entrance. Willow and Gus are looking around the detention classroom.]
Gus	Maybe she already booked it.
[Willow whistles like she's calling a dog.]
Gus	She did say she was better than this place.
Viney	[Closes door.] Oh. You think you're better than us?
Luz	No, no, it's not like that. I just didn't think I deserved—mean, none of us deserve—
Jerbo	J'accuse! I should've known you'd look down on us. Everyone else does.
[Barcus sneezes, captions reading: You have an aura of lies.]
Viney	It's fine, I just... I thought someone finally understood us. But, maybe you should just leave. [Points to the door.]
[Barcus gasps.]
Luz	I understand.
[Cut back to the classroom, where Gus plays with the Detention Teacher's mustache.]
Gus	Man, this guy can sleep through anything. [Grabs mop.] I'm gonna test that theory.
Willow	No. We have to find Luz. If only these walls could talk.
[Luz pushes the wall door open.]
Luz	Hey, guys. [Slumps onto the floor face first.]
Willow	Thank you, walls! [Helps Luz stand.] We found a way to get you out to talk to Principal Bump.
Gus	We have an expert disguise! [Grabs a trashcan.] Hop in! It's got holes for your gangly teenage legs.
[Luz looks at the wall as Viney closes the door.]
Luz	Yeah. That's right where I belong.
Gus	And this way the inspector won't see you either.
[Luz climbs into the trashcan. Gus puts the lid on Luz's head. She stands and walks off. Willow and Gus follow her. Camera pans to the still-snoring Detention Teacher. Gus pops up next to him and puts the mop on his face. He continues snoring.]
Gus	Incredible.
[Cut to outside, where a swirl of blue energy appears. It dissipates, revealing the inspector. She walks up the front steps.]
Principal Bump	Welcome to Hexside, inspector.
Inspector	Greetings, Principal Bump. [Bows.] If everything's in order, the Emperor's Coven will be happy to cover your repairs.
Principal Bump	Excellent. Please come this way. We've prepared a show with some of our finest students.
[Cut to an abomination stomping on stage. It growls and holds Amity up like an figure skater. They pose. The abomination puts Amity down.]
Amity	And that concludes the presentation from the Abomination track.
[Amity and her abomination bow.]
Principal Bump	[Politely applauds.] That was some real Hexside magic, huh?
Inspector	Yes, this is... good! But let's see if your student can put up more of a fight! [Stands.]
Principal Bump	Yes, yes—wait, what?
[The inspector slams her hands down on the stage. Her face deforms, revealing that she is in fact a greater basilisk.]
Principal Bump	Is, uh, this part of the inspection?
Amity	Abomination, fight!
[Amity's abomination runs forward and grabs the inspector. The inspector fully transforms into a basilisk and flings the abomination into the air. It growls and swallows the abomination. It slithers toward Amity, who backs away.]
Inspector	The magic at Glandus High was tasty. But I hope yours will be more filling.
Principal Bump	[Running between Amity and the inspector.] Amity, stay back. She's an impostor!
[Principal Bump draws out a spell circle. The inspector inhales, swallowing the spell circle and draining his magic. His skin turns gray and he collapses. Amity tries to cast a spell, but her magic is also drained, and she falls unconscious next to Principal Bump. Cut to King's classroom, where he is writing on the chalkboard.]
King	Assume a coefficient of ten, carry the two, solve for Y, and that is the way to steal a pie from a windowsill! [He has drawn himself stealing pie on the chalkboard.] Also you can eat trash.
Student #1	Finally, some skills we can really use.
King	[Pulls out a slice of pizza.] And now, for my next lesson—
[Loud growl.]
King	Seriously? It's not even fifth period yet.
[Cut to King opening the doors of the auditorium.]
King	Excuse me! Could you keep it down? Mr. King's trying to mold young minds here!
[The inspector is sucking more life out of Principal Bump.]
Principal Bump	Ugh. Only 300 years until retirement.
[The inspector looks at King.]
King	I can see that I'm interrupting, so I'm just gonna... [Screams and runs away.]
[Cut to a hallway, where Luz is no longer in a trashcan. Luz sighs.]
Willow	Don't worry, Luz! Once we talk to Bump, we'll get everything sorted out.
Luz	I know, but what's the point if people get hurt on the way?
Gus	That is a fair question. Here's another question. What the heck is that?! [Points.]
[The Oracle Teacher is running away from the inspector, which is taking over most of a hallway. The teacher stops and casts a beam of light. The inspector slurps the beam of light up like spaghetti. The teacher falls, drained of magic. Willow, Luz, and Gus scream.]
Inspector	[Laughs.] More cute morsels!
Willow	We may be cute, but we're nobody's morsels! [Summons carnivorous plant.]
Gus	Time for a power-up!
[Gus gives the plant buff arms. The plant launches itself at the inspector. It catches the plant with its tail and eats it. Willow and Gus both fall, drained of magic.]
Willow	[Tries to draw another spell circle.] I feel... so weak.
Luz	[Runs in front of her friends.] Eat this!
[She grabs her notepad and activates a light glyph on it, then throws it in the inspector's mouth. The spell activates, and the inspector screams, spewing out shredded paper.]
Luz	[Picks up Willow and Gus.] I'll get you guys somewhere safe!
Inspector	It burns! It burns!
Luz	[Bursts into the Secret Room of Shortcuts.] Guys! I need your help!
Viney	Oh. You're back.
Luz	I'm sorry for hurting your feelings, but please listen! [Falls, drops Willow.] Argh! Willow!
[Viney, Jerbo, and Barcus gasp.]
Viney	What happened to them?
Luz	Something horrible is loose in the school.
[Luz opens a door to show the inspector draining more students' magic.]
Viney	Don't let it see us! [Closes the door.] I think that's a greater basilisk. I heard about them in a class. My cousin at St. Epiderm said she saw one, but those things should be extinct.
Luz	It must've attacked the other schools, and now it's come for us. We have to do something.
Jerbo	But if Bump catches us mixing magic again—
Viney	He'd kick us outta school.
Luz	Hexoleos are out there gettin' hurt, and we're the only ones who can save them. We're troublemakers, right? So let's go out there and make some trouble.
[Viney, Jerbo, and Barcus share a look. Cut to a hallway, where the inspector drains Amelia of her magic.]
Inspector	Hungry! Still hungry!
[An ice glyph is thrown in front of the inspector. It activates, summoning a pillar of ice that throws the inspector back. Luz hops in front of it wearing a cloak.]
Luz	From humblest of beginnings, a hero will rise. I've trained with a secret society to discover the power of mixing magic! I am—
Inspector	Dinner!
Luz	Wah!
[Luz ditches the cloak and runs. The inspector slams into the pillar of ice. It rights itself and chases after Luz.]
Luz	Viney! Do the thing, do the thing!
[Puddles flies through the halls and attacks the inspector.]
Viney	Attagirl, Puddles! Jerbo, now!
Jerbo	On it!
[An abomination opens a door in the floor as Jerbo summons several thorny vines. The vines latch onto a door handle in the ceiling. The inspector claws at Puddles and throws her, then falls through the opened door. Luz hops in after it, sending it through the door in the floor of the Secret Room of Shortcuts. Cut to the auditorium, where Principal Bump sits up.]
Principal Bump	Must find help.
[The inspector falls onto the stage.]
Luz	Wooh!
[Luz falls through the ceiling after the inspector, landing on its stomach and flipping off of it to land on the stage.]
Luz	It's all you, Barcus!
[Barcus barks, grabs the inspector's palm.]
Inspector	Where am I?
[Barcus dumps a potion onto the inspector's hand. He squints at it, then his eyes glow. He yips.]
Inspector	What's he doing? What'd he say?
Luz	He's reading your palm, and your future looks bleak.
[Jerbo's abomination pulls at a rope that Puddles cuts with her beak. The rope drops sandbags onto the inspector's stomach. All of the magic it ate is released and returned to the proper witch. Everyone gasps as they get their magic back and wake up. Magic flies through the air as it returns to other schools. Back in the auditorium, Viney heals Puddles's scratched claw. Puddles warbles, flies off.]
Luz	AH! [Hugs Viney.] You did it! You were amazing! You guys—
Principal Bump	Are in so much trouble. Leaving your homeroom, mixing magic and—is that a secret hideout?
[Willow and Gus duck away from the open trap door.]
Luz	Yeah, it is. But let's think about this, Principal Bump. Why would kids in the detention track need a secret hideout?
Principal Bump	I don't care to know the ins and outs of rascality. [Pulls out rule book.] But if the Emperor's Coven can send an actual inspector this time—
Luz	Okay, you need coven money. But if you have to hurt your students to get it, what's the point? They saved Hexside. They should be allowed to study what they wish.
Principal Bump	B-but— [Hugs rule book.]
Gus	Do the right thing, ya dingus.
Principal Bump	Alright, I'm smart enough to know when I've made a mistake. Which tracks would you like to be in?
[All gasp.]
Viney	Healing and Beast Keeping!
Jerbo	Plants and Abomination!
[Barcus barks.]
Principal Bump	Then so be it. [Changes their uniforms to reflect their new tracks.] But if any of you cause more property damage, I'm feeding you to the choosy hat. [To Luz.] And you?
Luz	Oh, I still can't choose. Maybe it's crazy but I wish I could study a little bit of everything. Whoa.
[Luz gets a full magical-girl transformation sequence as her uniform takes several colors to reflect the different tracks.]
Luz	What's going on? What is this? Whoa-ho! This is so cool. Yeah, yeah, I'm gonna study everything!
Principal Bump	You know, only one other student wanted to study every track. [Summons Lord Calamity's picture.] Unfortunately, she was never given the opportunity.
[With a wipe of his hand, the graffiti on the picture disappears, revealing a young Eda.]
Luz	[Gasps, chuckles.] I shoulda guessed.
[Cut to Eda arriving at Hexside on her staff. Cut to Principal Bump walking through the halls, writing in the rule book.]
Principal Bump	The coven denies knowing about the basilisk, but that won't stop me from writing a very stern letter.
King	Alright. Read chapters three to five on the right way to scratch yourself in public. Spoiler alert: There's no wrong way! [Sighs.] Days like these make being a teacher all worth it.
Principal Bump	You're not a teacher.
King	Weh?
[Principal Bump is staring at King disapprovingly.]
King	Maybe not, but I care about these kids, [Tosses coffee in Principal Bump's face.] and nothing can change that.
[Cut to the front entrance, which bursts open. Principal Bump waves a broom at King as the demon flees, squealing.]