The Intruder/Transcript

— This is a transcribed copy of The Intruder. —

Feel free to edit or add to this page, as long as the information comes directly from the episode.

Previous: "I Was a Teenage Abomination"

Next: "Covention"

Speaker	Dialogue
[Open on the Owl House exterior. Cut to a video recording of King's eye.]
Luz	[Voiceover.] And here we have the most fearsome creature in the world, the King of Demons.
[The video zooms out to show King trying to tear a sock off his nose.]
Luz	Facing his natural enemy, the ducky sock!
King	[Grunting, tears the sock into pieces, then punches the remnants.] Where are you now, ducky sock?
Luz	So, why'd you call me here again?
King	Oh, yeah. [Grunting, climbs up a table.] Human Luz, you've been so obsessed with witchcraft that you haven't learned anything about my kind. Prepare yourself for... [Rips off a curtain to reveal a corkboard of photos of various demons; puts on a hat and spins the cord on top of it.] Demons 101. Demons like me are grim tricksters of the twilight, creatures of sulfur and bone.
Luz	[Zooming in with her camera.] And cute little paws.
King	[Sighs.] And cute little paws. True. We live only to create chaos and misery. Our only weaknesses are purified water and passive-aggressive comments. Sometimes.
Luz	Oh, you guys are sensitive.
King	Even demons have inner demons. [Tears off one of the pictures to reveal a snarling demon.] The most powerful demon of all is the Snaggleback. He's a—
Luz	Bad boy!
[A colored filter appears over the screen, followed by several stickers. Luz aims her phone down and taps on her screen.]
King	Luz, pay attention. This information could save your life someday.
Luz	No, no. I am so paying attention. This is my paying attention face. [Nodding.] Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
[Lightning crashes, immediately followed by a thunder rumble. Luz and King look outside.]
King	Uh-oh. Looks like it's gonna rain.
Luz	[Gasps.] I love the rain.
King	Hey, wait.
Luz	[Opens the door, exhales.] I always love feeling the first few drops in my hair. [Kneels down to talk to a flower.] I bet you do too, little buddy.
[A water drop drops down to the flower, making it wither and die immediately.]
Luz	What?
Eda	[Runs to the house.] Boiling rain! Everybody inside now!
Luz	Huh? [Yelps.]
[Eda grabs her arm and drags the both of them inside. Objects crash and clatter.]
Eda	Phew! That was close. But the important thing is you didn't get hurt.
Luz	[Lying painfully.] Yep. [Groans as a cup falls on her head.] Not hurt.
-THEME SONG-
[Open back on Bonesborough, where residents are screaming and running from the boiling rain. Buildings attached to the side of a cliff fall off. Cut to Willow's house, where she takes plants off of a balcony.]
Willow	Ow, ow, ow, ow.
[She drags a curtain closed with her teeth. Cut to an alleyway, where Tinella Nosa is running. She shrieks, and ducks into a crack in a wall, which she tosses a rat out of and hisses. Cut to the outside of the Owl House, where King is putting a bandage on a burn on Luz's arm. He puts another bandage on his snout.]
King	Look, now we're boo-boo buddies.
Luz	[Squeals, then falls over.] Oh, my gosh, I love you so much. [Looks at Eda, who is creating a spell under a force field.] A boiling rainstorm on the Boiling Isles. The weather here is so fun.
Eda	Yeah, we don't have weather. We have plagues, gorenados, shale hail, painbows.
King	It's like a rainbow but looking at it turns you inside out.
[Luz pulls the drawstrings of her hoodie closed.]
Eda	So, until the boiling rain stops, no one is allowed outside tonight.
King	And if the rain doesn't get you, the Snaggleback will. [Opens a book, showing Snaggleback images.] They wander the rain, feeding on boiled tourists.
Eda	Well, whatever the case, this force field spell should protect the house from boiling rains and made-up demons.
Hooty	Hoot! Well, hurry it up with that force field. That rain is getting closer to my precious stucco.
Eda	Yeah, yeah. I got it.
[She uses her staff to grab the light ball and stamps the staff down to the ground. A round orange force field engulfs the house, then shrinks to shape closely around it. Eda begins walking toward the house.]
Luz	Wow! Someday I'd like to be as cool as Eda the Owl Lady. Magical, sassy, surprisingly foxy for her age. Hey, why do they call you the Owl Lady, anyway?
Eda	'Cause I'm so wise.
Hooty	'Cause she coughs up rat bones.
King	I think it's 'cause she gets distracted by shiny objects.
Eda	No, I don't.
[King takes out a pen. He clicks it, and the diamond on top of it glows.]
Eda	[Delightedly.] It sparkles and shimmers. It shines and delights. I must have it for my nest...
[She lunges for the pen, but King puts it behind his back and she crashes on the ground. Eda groans.]
Luz	You have a nest? I want a nest! Nest party! [She helps Eda up.]
Eda	[Tiredly.] Ugh. That force field really took it out of me.
King	Uh-oh. Moving a little slow. Age finally catching up to ya? [Screams as Eda hoods his head with the hat.] Darkness!
Luz	[Watching Eda enter the house.] This is perfect. Since we'll be stuck in the house all night, Eda won't have any excuse not to teach me a spell. [Follows Eda.]
King	But don't you wanna finish our lesson? I was gonna let you scratch a demon's tummy. Me!
Luz	Oh, uh, sorry, King. But... magic.
[King is visibly frustrated. His horn pierces his hat, making it deflate. Cut to Eda walking behind a privacy screen. She snaps her fingers, causing a glow of light as she drops her staff. When she emerges from the other side, she's in her pajamas. She sighs as she lies down on the couch. Luz's shadow falls over her.]
Eda	Ahh!
Luz	Oh, Eda, have I told you how rad your fang looks today?
Eda	Whatever it is, no.
Luz	Uh, and your hair is like... girl.
Eda	I'm not teaching you magic tonight. I'm sleepy. [Covers her body with a blanket.] I'm a sleepy little owl.
Luz	Please, Eda, please. How am I supposed to earn my witch's staff if I don't know any spells?
Eda	No. Sleep. [She covers her whole head with the blanket. Something clicks.]
Eda	[Gasps.] Sparkle thing.
[Eda sits up, still wrapped in the blanket, and watches as Luz clicks the pen several times.]
Luz	Oh, this?
[Eda tosses aside the blanket in favor of perching on the arm of the couch.]
Eda	Ooh!
[Luz moves the pen tauntingly. Eda swipes for it.]
Luz	Nope. [Eda falls down.] Teach me one spell, and I'll give you your sparkle thing.
Eda	I respect your cunning, but I also hate you for it.
[Flash of lightning with clap of thunder. Cut to Eda standing in front of Luz.]
Eda	If you want a witch's staff like mine, don't make me repeat myself. [Gasps as she wakes herself up.] Witch's staffs have power embedded into them.
Luz	Gimme!
Eda	But before one is earned, every witch needs to know how to cast spells on their own. Now... [Throws staff to the side.] tonight I will show you how to create... light.
[Draws a circle with her finger in the air, which glows orange. White light sparks in the center, forming a large ball of light. It descends until it's in front of Luz's face, where it disappears. Luz gasps.]
King	Yawn! Who needs another boring spell lesson when you could be learning all the fun ways a demon could kill you. [Holds up a drawing of a demon with giant teeth.] Look how teethy. Bite, bite.
Luz	Be quiet. I need to focus.
Eda	Now, humans think magic is made out of thin air, but that's stupid. Everything comes from something. Let me ask you, kid. Where do you think magic comes from?
Luz	Uh, from the heart?
Eda	Actually, you're right.
[Luz gasps in joy and blushes.]
Eda	No, really. [Pulls out a diagram of viscera from her hair and shows it to Luz.] It comes from a sac of magic bile attached to a witch's heart.
Luz	Oh, gross. Can I keep that?
Eda	No. [Shoves the diagram back in her hair.] Now, everything depends on the spell circle. [Draws a large circle in the air.] The bigger the circle, the more powerful the spell.
[The circle bursts out, creating a much bigger light than before. It fades much faster.]
Luz	But how can I, little ol' Luz, do magic if I don't have a magic bile... sac?
Eda	You know, I'm not actually sure.
Luz	What?
Eda	I know witches did magic differently in the past, but I never bothered to figure out how. [Laughs, snorts.]
Luz	Eda!
Eda	Don't worry. You'll figure it out. Now— [Stands and cracks her back.] I need to lie down.
Luz	That's it? Wait! I need to see you do the circle thingy again. I'll record it on my phone this time.
[Cut to Luz recording Eda.]
Luz	Smile! You're on camera. One more spell won't kill you.
Eda	[Groans.] Fine. Now, you see, the... [Draws a shaky circle.] spell circle is really key because— [The circle disappears as she yawns.] Ooh, boy. [Falls.]
King	Welp, looks like one more spell killed Eda.
[Luz yelps. Eda is rolled into the floor]
Luz	Oh, my gosh. My obsession with spells knocked out Eda. I'm a monster.
King	Bap! [Slaps Eda's face.] Yep. She's out. Bap! [Slaps Eda's face, laughs.] Just making sure.
Luz	We should get help, right?
[She runs to the door but is stopped by King grabbing her leg.]
King	Boiling rains, remember?
Hooty	No, let her try. It'll be funny.
[King slams the door.]
Luz	But what if Eda's dead?
Eda	[Sleep-talking.] Shiny thing. Big nest. [Snoring.]
King	Remember when her head got cut off last week? That woman can survive anything. She's probably just tired from staying up all night chasing shrews and voles.
Luz	Well, we can't just leave her on the floor.
[King tiredly looks at Eda. A thunderclap later, him and Luz are dragging Eda into her room by her feet. Luz tosses a small animal skull out of Eda's giant nest before puling her into it. Eda continues snoring.]
Luz	Sorry for pushing you, Miss Eda. Please don't hurt me when you wake up.
King	Should I bap her again?
Luz	[Rubs King's head.] Just let her rest, you little goober. Come on. Let's go downstairs.
King	[Smacks Eda again.] Bap! [Cackles as he runs off.]
[Cut to the living room, where King is redrawing a demon with several mouths. When he finishes, he holds up his notepad.]
King	Yeah, yeah.
Luz	[Groans, trying to draw a spell circle.] This is all she does. Why you gotta be so cryptic, Owl Lady? [Hits play on the video.]
Eda	[On the video.] Now, you see, the spell circle is really...
King	[Puts his notepad over Luz's phone.] Hey, you know what's really cryptish? Let me tell you about the most spine-chilling demon. [Lifts up notepad to show a fish-like demon.] Smoochy-pie the Sweetie Baby! He's... Well, he's a lot more threatening than his name implies.
Luz	Not now, King. I want to figure out this spell. But if I don't have a magic sac, what's the point? I'll just be twirling my fingers around un-magically forever.
King	Why do you want to learn magic so bad, anyway?
Luz	I was a nobody back home. [Sits down.] But becoming a witch is my chance to be someone. Do you know what it's like to have no one take you seriously?
[King sighs. Thunder distantly rumbles.]
King	If I help you learn that spell, could we finish our lesson?
Luz	[Puts her phone away.] Oh, yes, yes. You can teach me about demons all week if you help me learn this spell.
King	Well, she said witches used to do magic differently, so there has to be a way, right? [Draws something and shows it to Luz.] And I have a theory. Every day I notice Eda sneaking drinks of this special elixir, see? Then she always gets a boost of energy, see? I think that's where she gets her powers. And I know where to get some.
Luz	Really?
King	Sí.
[Luz pulls him into a hug.]
Luz	Thank you so much. You're a prince.
King	King. I'm King.
Luz	Right.
[Cut to Eda's room, where flashes of lightning go off outside her window. Eda is snoring in her nest. The door squeaks open, and King steps in and looks around.]
King	Now where could it be...
[He notices a bright orange potion on Eda's side table. He starts sneaking over to it, stopping at a metal clang.]
King	[Gasps: move from a trap going off.] Ha! Nice try.
Trap	Nah, my heart wasn't in it. [Leaves.]
[King continues on, scampering up a curtain to reach the tabletop. He reads the tag attached to the potion.]
King	"An elixir a day." Cryptic. [Rips off the tag.] Nyeh.
[He tucks the tag under his collar, then takes the potion and hops to the floor. He looks between Eda and the potion guiltily, making nervous noises.]
King	Nah.
[He leaves. Cut to the kitchen, where Luz is waiting eagerly and wearing an apron.]
King	Got it!
Luz	[Takes the potion and opens it.] Wow. I can't believe I'm about to learn magic. Real magic. This is historic.
[She slowly lifts the potion to her mouth. A clap of thunder startles her, and she fumbles the potion until it smashes on the floor.]
Luz	Golden elixir. Gone! This is awful.
King	Who even needs a light spell when we have tons of lamps?
[The lamps flare and die. Luz glares at King.]
King	[Groans.] Hooty controls the house lights. He probably just fell asleep.
[Crash.]
Hooty	Hoot! Hoot!
Luz	Hooty! [Takes off the apron and runs.]
Hooty	Hoot, oh, hoot!
[Luz and King reach the living room and gasp. A shadowy beast has knocked the door of its hinges and made a mess of the front wall. It leaves deep scratches in the wood next to Hooty, growls when it notices the other two, then flees. Luz and King run up to Hooty.]
Luz	Hooty! Are you in there? [Taps his beak a few times and checks his eye.] Whatever did this escaped into the rain. What could survive that?
King	Oh, my gosh. The Snaggleback! It feeds during the rains. It must have stumbled across our house and seen us inside.
[Something howls. They go outside in time for the shadowy creature to jump through an upper floor window.]
Luz	This is terrifying. So why do you look so happy?
King	[Squealing.] Because this could be a lesson. This would be a great way for you to see a wild demon up close and personal.
Luz	You want to go toward those creepy sounds? No way!
King	What if Eda gets eaten? She's upstairs and defenseless because you knocked her out.
[Luz groans. Cut to the two preparing for battle. Luz pulls on rubber gloves. King tapes a pillow to his chest. Luz puts bandages under her eyes like eye black, then grins. Luz grabs a hockey stick, which King runs past in favor of grabbing Francois.]
King	Weh!
[Cut to the two approaching the staircase, Luz using the flashlight on her phone to light the way. Floorboards creak as they go upstairs. They reach a hallway and stop as the door to Eda's room creaks open. They share a nervous look. Luz opens the doors all the way, revealing an empty room and a shattered window, through which we can again see a lightning strike.]
Luz	Oh, my gosh. Eda! [Runs to Eda's nest.]
King	She got snaggle-backed.
Luz	Eda? [Holds up a damaged pillow.] No! Slash marks. King! You're the demon expert. I need your help.
King	I'll go get my demon book.
[He runs out of the room and down the hall. A shadow snarls as it passes over him. He returns holding two books.]
King	Wait, wait. First edition or second? [Gasps.] Luz? [Drops the books.] The Snaggleback got her.
[The shadow snarls again as it passes behind him. He chases after it.]
King	You craven beast. Give me back my boo-boo buddy.
[He rounds a corner and gasps. A door creaks closed, Luz's shoe upside down in front of it.]
King	Luz?
[He picks up the shoe. Holding it like a weapon, he opens the door and enters the closet. He looks around until noticing a shadow hiding behind clothes.]
King	There's nowhere for you to run! [Moves the clothes aside.] Snaggleback? Wow. You are a lot shorter in person.
Snaggleback	[Stammering.] I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I-I just needed a place to hide from the rains.
King	Then why did you break down our door and take Luz? That's not cool, man. Bad Snaggleback!
Snaggleback	I-I didn't do any of that stuff. I snuck in through a window just now.
King	Huh? Well, then what...
[Crashing.]
Snaggleback	Oh, no! A twist!
[A shadowed claw pulls Snaggleback through the ceiling. Snarls and stomps can be heard as King backs away from the hole. Something bangs against the door. King yells, then whimpers. The door creaks open, revealing the shadowy beast, still snarling. It spits out Snaggleback's shell, then roars.]
King	Oh, my.
[The beast advances, forcing King against the wall.]
King	[Yelps.] Stay back. Hey, hey. I am the king of demons, okay? And as such, I demand you to barf my friends back up.
[The beast screeches and raises a claw. King yells and ducks, and the claws score the wall where his head was a moment before, King runs. He is far more nimble than the beast, rounding corners with ease while the beast slams into the walls. King is yelping and the beast is snarling. When King rounds a second corner, Luz's arm reaches out and pulls him into a room. The door closes with a squeak. The beast enters the hallway slowly, exhaling loudly. Cut to inside Eda's room, where Luz is holding King. Footsteps are heard outside as a shadow passes the door.]
King	Luz?
Luz	King! Oh, I'm so glad you're safe. [Puts King down.]
King	Where did you go?
Luz	I was checking on Eda, and she was gone, and then you were gone. I also tripped and lost my shoe. Oh, hey, you found it. [Takes it.]
King	I—
[Luz raises her foot to put her shoe on, revealing a piece of paper on the bottom of her foot.]
King	What's that? [Takes it and reads it.] "Keeps the curse at bay." [Gasps, pulls out the tag in his collar and puts them together.] "An elixir a day, keeps the curse at bay."
Luz	Curse? Wait, what are you trying to say?
King	I was wrong the whole time. That's no Snaggleback. That creature is...
[They both scream as a clawed hand bursts through the door. A body follows it, and it growls and turns to reveal a familiar face.]
Luz	Eda?
[Eda snarls and stalks closer, raising a claw to swipe at them. Luz screams and braces. Her phone falls out of her pocket, and the camera goes off when it hits the floor. The flash blinds Eda, making her scream. Luz takes the distraction to grab King and hide on a balcony. Eda screams, and it echoes loudly. She stalks the room, sniffing. Luz has her hands over her mouth while King has his on his head. Eda seems to smell them, growling and sniffing closer to them. Luz grabs a can and throws it. Eda growls at the sound and chases it.]
Luz	Oh, man. Did you see her eyes? They were like— [Snarls.] What happened to her?
King	Don't you see? The elixir I gave you doesn't give Eda powers. It prevents her from turning into that thing. She's turned into a nightmare and it's all my fault. I'm so sorry, Luz. I-I just wanted you to be into demons like you're into magic. I don't have many friends, and no one even pays that much attention to me. I thought maybe if I taught you, finally someone would care about creatures like me.
Luz	Well... [Holds out the pen.] let's finish the lesson.
King	Huh?
Luz	Eda's turned into some kind of demon, and we need to save her. So who knows more about demons than the best teacher in the world?
[King brightens and points to himself. Luz nods. He takes the pen, then giggles and hugs Luz. He smacks some leaves onto the floor.]
King	Let's see. [Draws on the leaves.] She was bigger, covered in feathers, and had giant black eyes. Demons with black eyes are usually sensitive to light. [Looks at Luz's phone.] That's it. Light! Luz, use your human wonder rectangle.
Luz	I can't. My camera's all blasted.
King	Then... what about that light spell?
Luz	[Sighs.] You saw me. I can't draw circles in the air. I'm not like Eda. [Plays the video.]
Eda	[On video.] ...spell circle is really key...
[The video glitches.]
Luz	[Gasps.] There's a pattern in the spell circle.
King	[Looks at Luz's phone.] What? Where?
Luz	[Grabs a leaf and the pen.] It looks like this. [Draws over the pattern.] There.
[She taps the pattern with the tip of the pen. The drawing on the leaf begins glowing. Luz gasps. The leaf folds into itself, brightening until it's a small floating ball of light. Luz gently cups it in her hands, bringing it to eye level.]
Luz	It's beautiful.
[Thunder rumbles and rain hisses as it hits the shield.]
Luz	Oh, my gosh. I just did magic. [Stands triumphantly.] I just did magic! I just did magic!
King	Shh! We're not going to stop anything with something that small.
[Distant screeching makes both of them cower.]
King	What do we do now?
Luz	I think I know how to get Eda back. Will you help me, boo-boo buddy? [Offers a fist bump.]
King	[Hums.] I'm kind of over that nickname. But okay. [Fist bumps her.]
[Cut to the living room, where Beast Eda is sniffing around. She pounces onto the treasure chest next to the fallen door, sniffing a book. A clicking sound distracts her.]
King	[Holding the pen.] Oh, what lovely thing do we have here? It's just so dang shiny. Oh, my. Oh, dear.
[Eda stares at the pen's light, cooing. She screeches and lunges for it. King runs and Eda follows. King ducks down a hallway. Eda slides on a pile of books and papers. She crashes into a wall, and gasps when Luz tosses a blanket over her head.]
Luz	I'm sorry, Eda. But it's for your own good.
[She finishes drawing a giant light glyph on the wall. With a grunt, she slams it to activate it. Blinding light is produced. Eda screams. Cut to Eda, back in witch form, laying in her nest with a straw in her mouth. She sits up, still partially transformed.]
Eda	Ahh! [Slurps and returns to normal.] W-What happened? Oh, I have the worst headache. And my mouth tastes like roadkill. [Gags, retches.]
[A giant owl pellet breaks, revealing Snaggleback.]
Snaggleback	I'm just gonna... lie here for a minute.
Eda	[Grabs the potion.] Hmm? I was looking for that.
King	[Walking over.] Actually, we found an extra one in your closet.
Eda	King? King! You stole my elixir? I ought to break every bone in your—
King	Shh! [Whispering.] Over there.
[Luz is surrounded by balls of light. She draws out another glyph as thunder rumbles in the background. She activates the glyph, grinning as the ball of light joins the others.]
Eda	Wow. How is she doing that?
[Camera pans up to show dozens of balls of light.]
King	I don't know, but she did it all on her own. Hey, I, uh, kind of messed a bunch of things up back there. And I just wanted to say I'm sorry.
Eda	Well, you better be. I got a long list of disgusting chores with your name on it. But it's not entirely your fault. [Luz walks over.] I haven't been completely honest with you guys. When I was younger, I was cursed. I don't know exactly how it happened, all I know is that if I don't take my elixir... Well, that's why people call me the Owl Lady. No one likes having a curse, but if you take the right steps, it's manageable.
Luz	Whoa. So are you okay?
Eda	There's nothing for you to worry about. It's all under control, and as long as no one steals my elixir—King—then I'm fine. But, hey, look at this. A human doing magic. Good on you, kid.
Luz	I had some encouragement from a great teacher.
King	Oh, you.
Hooty	Hey, hey! Is anyone there? Hello? Hoot? I'm on the floor. It's cold!
King	That voice. That horrific voice!
Luz	We'll take care of him. You stay in bed. [Picks up Snaggleback.] Come on, you goopy fella. We'll set you free now.
Snaggleback	Ow, ow, ow. I think my tail was digested.
[Door closes. Eda sighs and lays back down. She closes her eyes. The scene changes to a void, with only Eda and a door. Indistinct whispering can be heard.]
Eda	No, not this memory again.
[The door opens. On the other side is a wavering shadow, two circles of light near the top, back-lit by pure white light.]
Eda	You! You're the one who cursed me, aren't you? Who are you? Who are you?
[Fade back to Eda's room as she sits up in her nest with a gasp. She looks around and exhales. Cut to the living room, where the door and Hooty have been restored to their rightful place. Luz has put bandages on the claw marks on the door.]
Luz	Welcome to the boo-boo buddy club, Hooty.
Hooty	Finally, I get to be a part of something.
[Camera pans to the couch, where Snaggleback and King are sitting, the latter drawing.]
Snaggleback	And then she had teeth in her stomach. Teeth in her stomach! Can you believe that?
King	Oh, yeah. [Shows his drawing.] This will make a great addition to my demon book.
Snaggleback	That book is filled with so many interesting things. [Grabs the book.] Like this. I'm one of the strongest demons on the Boiling Isles, huh?
King	Yeah, I'm gonna have to edit that.
Snaggleback	[Looks down.] Oh.